Reclaiming Your Inner Steering Wheel

We all reach moments when life feels like it’s driving us—rather than us at the wheel. Whether it’s career transitions, relationship strain, mounting stress, or that persistent feeling of “I’m just reacting” — the result is the same: we feel like we’ve lost our sense of control.

The good news? Control can be reclaimed. You can move from being a passenger in your life back into the driver’s seat.

Here are three powerful steps I work through with my clients — and that you can begin today — to restore agency, clarity, and momentum in your life.

1. Recognize the “lost steering” moments

First, it’s essential to become aware of when and how you’ve handed over your steering wheel. Some common clues:

• You say things like “I have to …” instead of “I choose to …”

• You feel like you’re constantly reacting (to emails, to other people’s needs, to emergencies) rather than proactively choosing your responses.

• There’s a nagging sense of drift — “Where am I headed?” or “Is this what I really want?”

• You feel overwhelmed, which often signals control has slipped.

By naming these moments you begin to reclaim awareness, and awareness is the first step in regaining control.

2. Clarify your core direction

When you regain the wheel, you need a destination or at least a sense of direction. Without it, the steering is unstable.

Ask yourself:

• What matters most to me right now? What are the values, relationships, or goals that pull at me?

• If I had to pick one area where I want to feel more control (career, home life, personal health, relationships), what would it be?

• What does “control” look like to me? (E.g., “I feel in control when I set my day before others set it for me.”)

This step builds the internal compass. Once your direction is clear, you can align your daily choices to it — and that alignment creates control.

3. Set micro-actions that anchor you back in the driver’s seat

Control isn’t about avoiding chaos or never being surprised — it’s about responding with choice. And you reclaim that by embedding small, actionable habits.

Here are three micro-actions to begin:

• Schedule a “power hour”: Pick one hour in your upcoming week where you solely plan your priorities, set boundaries, or reflect. Treat it as non-negotiable.

• Use the “pause button”: When you feel rushed, reactive, or off-course, pause. Take a deep breath, ask yourself “What do I want to choose right now?” and then act.

• End-of-day check-in: Spend 2–3 minutes each night and ask: “Where did I feel in control today? Where did I give it away? What will I do differently tomorrow?”

These actions are small, yes — but consistency is what turns the wheel, not giant gestures.

Why this works

Research consistently shows that developing self-awareness, aligning with personal values/goals, and embedding intentional habits are the cornerstones of psychological resilience and agency. When you’re aware of your triggers, clear about your direction, and practicing small intentional acts, you shift from being driven by circumstances to driving your response.

In my practice, I see clients who arrive feeling as though they’re caught in currents: “Work is controlling me,” “My relationships are overwhelming me,” “My own thoughts are hijacking me.” We start by noticing. Then clarifying. Then acting. Over time, they report not just less overwhelm—but a renewed sense of purpose, choice, and control.

Your next step

If this post resonated, here’s your action: Choose one micro-action above. Commit to it for the next week. Write it down. Set a reminder. After one week, reflect: Did you feel a little more in control? A little less reactive? A little more grounded?

And if you’d like support in doing this work — in untangling the places where control feels lost, in mapping your direction, and in building the daily habits that anchor that change — I’m here. Together, we’ll partner on restoring your power, clarity, and choice.

Here’s to driving your life with intention.

Warmly,
Lisa Feder